Oh how about my frozen embies?

March 2011

I prepared my self to do frozen embryo transfer. Went for a scan on D2 to check if my uterus lining was below 4mm and started on estrogen pills to build up my lining.

And on D14, I went for a scan again, Dr revealed my lining is not optimum. A common problem with PCOS patients, still its ok and we can go ahead with FET.

Next day is thawing day, I nervously waited for the call from Co-ordinator. I remember it was a Thursday. Yep finally she called to inform that 4 cell embryo did not survive and it lysed. And the other one has not divided into cells, hence not suitable for transfer.

I was devastated, but no choice. We decide to see Dr again. Dr patiently listened to me, my weepings and explained to us. I wanted to try another cycle soon. But Dr recommended I try out another clinic, with another Dr. Dr Mahesh is such a nice Dr, I don't think most of the Dr's in town does this but he recommended me to one of this colleague or he also gave an option that we try it at KKH in Singapore.

I was very firm that I wanted to try my next cycle with same Dr, because I was very comfortable with him. Dr's point was; different Dr's will have different views, and their approach differs, so what works for one patient might not work for the other.

After we came home, we both talked and decided we try out this Dr recommended by Dr Mahesh. So I contacted co-ordinator and requested letter briefing my treatment summary.

And I also make an appointment to see Dr Prashant Nadkarni at KL Fertility Centre.

My Ramblings (Disapointment, Frustration & I feel like I'm a total failure:(((

Feb 2011


After my BFN, I was very upset, cried to recover from the sorrow. Sorrow that everyone around you except you are getting pregnant. Don't you feel that way? Ever since we've started attempting to conceive it's very hard for me to digest when I hear the news of pregnancy of friends & family. As we jokingly say it seems like for everyone else its happening on "Press of Button". But for us even IVF is a struggle. Sometimes it spoils my whole day thinking what a failure I'm, that I couldn't become a mom still :(( will I ever become one? Should I blame it on my weight? my hubby? my karma? I don't know. Its very tuff to cope up and walk around pretending I'm happy while watching all of those perfect families around me. My hubby would be such a great Dad, and me I've got some great cooking skills which is just going to waste without having a family. 


Oh God I really don't wont to give up, in the meantime its a torture to repeatedly go through IVF cycles again, & again. One thing you still don't know is; all these stimulating medications has side effects. Patients who have gone through IVF are more prone to ovarian and breast cancer. But I don't mind anything even if I get sick its not a problem if I can become a "Mother". Sometimes I feel I should not be desperate like this, people say it happens only when you 'Let Go'. But how can u give up? can you? well I'm unable to ...... sometimes I don't even like to associate with anyone, because I feel everyone else has perfect families except for us. "Two loners going on a dark long journey" without any sight of light at the end...


Note : How do I cope with this IVF stress? I like to sweat it out, every time i feel stressed, disappointed and frustrated I head to the gym and work out rigorously till I drop my last bit of sweat. I've found gyming is a very good stress reliever for me. If my body won't cope up I would tell, "if you can't become pregnant, at least cope with this strenuousness"


Other method which I also do is cry, cry and cry and vomit out all your sorrow to someone. Next put some loud music and engage your self in favorite activity.

IVF Attempt No 1

Dec2010 - Jan2011


I was put on another month of contraceptive pills and I was also given metformin 500mg. When I started on metformin twice a day i.e after lunch and dinner, I felt very dizzy. Once after exercise I felt as if I'm almost going to fall, I came home and had a cup of orange juice and lied in the couch. Dr said it's one of the initial side effects of metformin and nothing to worry about.


This time I was given different medicine Puregon 200iu & Menopur 75iu from D2 to D11. My first scan was on D7, I was very nervous while I was lying in scan room. I was scared thinking about my previous experience, 'what if i don't respond to medicine' this cycle too? Luckily scan revealed 12 follicles on left and 7 on right ovary. Dr said he expect to collect around 10 eggs. Much relieved. I also have to start on Orgalutran injection from today till D11, to prevent ovulation.


D9 scan revealed 12 follicles on left and 6 on right. D11 scan revealed around 30. I was informed that they might not do embryo transfer for me due to high risk of Ovaries Hyper Stimulation Syndrome. (OHSS) I was very upset with this news, I didn't want to end this journey half way like this. Also research revealed that  chances of becoming pregnant with frozen embryos were much lower than fresh embryos. I also did a blood work to check oestradoil levels on that day.


I was devastated, but no choice right? I was hoping that if we get around 26 fertilized embryos (80% fertilization is the general norm) I can do 5 rounds of FET's.


I did my HCG injection on D11 and D13 was my big day. On day D13 after I woke up from my anesthesia, my hubby informs "7 eggs collected" and I say "WHAT????" & "How could it be?". Dr has left the clinic so I only was able to see embryologist. She said she's watching out my eggs. I said 'OK....'


After I reached home co-ordinator calls to inform that my eggs aren't very good quality. They have to wait till tomorrow to see fertilization. I was upset, bleeding whole night, had stomach cramps and fever @ 100.7F.


Next day we arrive at the clinic for a scan and to check the results. Apparently 4 fertilized out of 7 eggs, 3 are ok 1 on the 'look'. Scan revealed my uterus lining was little damaged hence Dr preferred to do embryo transfer on next cycle. Co-ordinator also told number of eggs retrieved correlates with my oestradiol levels which was 6303 before egg retrieval.


On egg collection day and on next day, I was put on drips to prevent OHSS. By evening after spending whole day in the ward, I decided I wanted to do embryo transfer. Because chances of embryo surviving thawing process is less and pregnancy with frozen embryos is less as well. And I didn't want to end this journey half way like this. Called Co-ordinator and informed that I want to do one embryo transfer.


They agreed on my point and one 4 cell D2 embryo was transferred on D15. Other 2 were frozen.


On D22 I noticed some red spotting, D23 red discharge with pieces and on D24 lot of red bleeding. I think it's my darling Aunty visiting me lol. I called Co-ordinator, she asked me to come for blood test any way on D25 and confirmed BFN.


Note : During stimulating period I was asked to drink plenty of water (I drank 8-10 glasses) and took 4-6 egg whites a day. Oh Gosh taking egg whites was unbearable, worse than giving jabs on me. I'm not used to eating eggs. I hate that smell. Still had to do it every day. Apparently albumin - protein in egg white prevents OHSS.


I also prefer doing injections by myself, than others poking into you. You just have to pinch that area and inject. Pain from pinch overlaps injecting pain most of the time.


I learnt at the end of this cycle, that there are so many hurdles you have to pass while doing IVF.


1. You should respond well for stimulating drugs (which I failed in my 1st Attempt)
2. Adequate amount good eggs should be retrieved (results of my IVF 1)
3. 80% or less should be fertilized (Never happened in my case)
4. Fertilized embryos should divide into cells & survive, 4 cells on D2, 6-10 cells on D3, blastocyst on D5 
(D2, D3 or blastocyst embryos are transferred, and it varies depending on clinics)


Embryo transfer is done only when all four hurdles are passed. I realise IVF is not so simple, very tuff emotionally challenging, mentally draining journey!!!